Death is final

Death is final and when I say that I mean the life here on earth is forever gone. It's permanent. As in forever more.

The only thing that keeps me from going insane is knowing that Grandmother is a beautiful soul in an earthly shell and the second the shell shuts down she will be with her Father. The one that she has loved and faithfully followed always. It will be beyond glorious, nothing our small minds can even begin to imagine. And she will be perfect and perfectly content.

Tonight, or I guess I should say this morning my tears have finally started flowing in a way that doesn't hint of a let up anytime soon. I've cried on and off since Friday morning, but quickly fended them off.

Not now.

Now I'm in pain thinking of the things that will never be again.
The really bland cookies she makes. Not sure what she does to them, but we eat them all up anyway.
Always being able to count on the ingredients for a Dr. Pepper Float to be on hand.
The best scrambled eggs in the world.
Hugs at the front door.
Her ability to talk for 30 minutes without having to stop to take a breath.
"Sit down here and talk to me" as she pats the couch cushion. And then not being able to get a word in edgewise.
Her way of pronouncing alcohol "alkeyhall" and tacos "tacas".
Her clothes hanging on the line.
Knowing that she starts her days praying for every single one of us.

In those ways death is very final. The day to day things. The things with skin on them. Those will be gone. Forever. And I don't like it one bit. That's where I am right now. Trying to come to grip with this final part. I hate it.

Jury Duty

Sitting at Jury Duty waiting to hear if I will be needed today. We've been here since 8:30 and now it is 9:50. One group has been called.

I'm trying to figure out how to lie down on these folding chairs and not look totally crazy.

Watching people try to get out of duty wasn't as much fun this time. There weren't many that tried and there was no drama. Darn. I miss the judge that asked a group of people to line up vertically. Vertically? Really? Can I please be on top? Wait, I'm scared of heights. Never mind. I would prefer to be crushed on the bottom.

According to CNN NikeTown in NYC has been closed down due to a bed bug infestation. The lady sitting next to me and I both started grimacing and scratching.

We got to watch the fun little video about how happy and proud we should be to have jury duty. It's very well done, but it didn't sway me. The fact is that I do not want the pressure of deciding if someone is guilty or not. I don't like conflict. I don't like making major decisions. I'm not crazy about making minor decisions. Sometimes it takes me 15 minutes to decide which black t-shirt I'm going to wear with my jeans.

Oh...that lady is dressed WAY to young for her age!

Do I believe in the jury system? Oh yes. I just don't want to be a part of it.

So, anyway, 74 people got called for actual duty. One of the courts that asked for jurors changed their mind. A cheer went up from those left over. I didn't cheer. I remembered the fun little video that told me I should be happy and proud to serve and pretended that it did sway me.

I have a test tomorrow

Well, I'm in the hospital tonight. Not crazy about being here. But, I'm hoping the fun test I get to take tomorrow will answer some questions.

Like what in the heck had a hold of me Saturday? Whatever it was was worse than any child birthing I went through and let me tell you, those were doozies.

My test is nuclear. I wonder if I will glow.

A lesson I learned this morning

A lesson I learned this morning is to always double check the date on your jury summons before you write it on your calendar. That'll keep you from driving 30 minutes to a courthouse at an awful hour in the morning for no reason.

So, after learning the painful lesson the hard way I decided, due to bad traffic and a pounding headache, to drop in on my friends because I knew there would be coffee. They had kids that had to be gotten up and taken off to school. Someone would be up and coffee would be available.

Once again this morning I was wrong.

Charlie met me in the driveway and escorted me into the house. I walked into dead silence.

And then I made one step too many and Nia saw me. At least I think her name is Nia. Usually I just call her "Please Don't Eat Me". She went nuts barking and Charlie, the traitor, joined her.

I quickly sat down and played dead hoping she would take that as a sign of weakness and decide not to take a plug out of me. I looked up to see two extremely sleepy, confused people (I would say friends, but I don't know if they were thinking of me as a friend at that point) staring at me like I'm crazy. I am crazy. It was crazy. So their confusion made perfect sense to me.

Em immediately put water on to boil. She's seen me without sleep and little caffeine before. She knows how ugly it can be. Then, as the intelligent young lady she is, she went straight back to bed.

The coffee got French pressed. I inhaled it as I tried to apologize and explain my presence to the third person I woke up as he stumbled into the kitchen.

I had forgotten the kids don't physically go to school on Thursday. So, no one was up when I crashed in on their nice, calm, cozy little world. You would think that I would remember the Thursday thing, because two of my kids went to that school and I taught there once upon a time.

Then Nia, the same dog that threatened to tear me limb from limb earlier, curled up with me on the couch and we took a nap together.